


Repressed feelings

by claudines_chaos



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Best Friends, Character Death In Dream, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Partial Nudity, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 10:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5202899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claudines_chaos/pseuds/claudines_chaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan has been repressing his feelings towards Phil for a long time. One day, Phil has a meltdown and Dan is there to help. Mostly fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repressed feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly portraying my own frustrations and feelings on these two squishies. Enjoy! ^.^ 
> 
> Excuse any typos soz.

Dan’s POV  
Do you ever feel your heart tighten when you look at your best friend because you have tried to repress all the feelings you have for them? Yeeaaahh I’ve been doing this for just over 4 years.

I couldn’t live without Phil, I am so thankful for his existence even if I don’t show it as such. He sooths my anxiety and made conversations less awkward, he made life easier to live. Thankfully, living with him for so long has obviously eased my romantic feelings because when you see someone every day, argue about who should do the laundry or cook, you tend not to feel lovey dovey all the time. I had grown accustomed to having to stop myself from lingering on his shirtless body for too long or keep myself from rearranging his fringe when we are watching anime on the couch in the morning. After a few years all my feeling were buried so deep just to try to not hurt anymore. Phil never tried to flirt with me or say something inappropriate off camera, and topics such as relationships, sexuality and gender were not topics which were commonly discussed. No inkling that he needs me as much as I need him. This is why today was different. 

We had a busy day ahead. Both of us set alarms at 9 am so we would be out in the busy London streets by 10 am. Phil was unusually quiet during all the meetings that day and his cute bubbly personality did not shine through like it usually does. I didn’t think much of it because I was too busy thinking about business stuff. At about 5pm we had meetings at the BBC Radio station and mid meeting Phil excused himself and left the room. About 25 minutes had passes and Phil was still not back so I went to look for him. I couldn’t find him in the common areas, so just in case I checked the restrooms. I could hear sobbing and I told him to open the stall which he did immediately and he buried himself in my shoulder sobbing. I could feel his wet cheeks and quick breathing against my skin. It was at this point that all the feelings came flooding back in and I knew I was in trouble. I stroked the back of his neck and between his shoulder blades and started humming a little tune until he calmed down. I asked whether he’d like to talk about it but he said he’s rather wait until we were home. Home sounded so good right now. I respected that decision and we returned to continue the meetings, where Phil was participating at least and although I was truly concerned about what got him to this state, I was glad that I could help in a way.

We arrived home at about 8pm and we were so exhausted. I just removed my jacket and flopped on my bed for a few minutes. I heard Phil move about in his room until he moved to the kitchen and starting rummaging with sauce pans. Hmm cooking without hesitation? I decided to go help him so I got up and walked to the kitchen. I was greeted with an upbeat Phil preparing the table. I looked at him and tilted my head in confusion. He remarked that he wanted to prepare a nice dinner to thank me for my concern this afternoon. I laugh momentarily and exclaimed that there was no need but he insisted that I watched TV until the pasta was ready. I obliged and put on the TV but I wasn’t really paying attention, instead I fell in a loop of over thinking about what could have caused his meltdown. We made casual conservation for a few minutes until he brought the bowls of pasta on the sofa (entirely abandoning the idea of eating on the table).

After pouring some chilled rose wine and eating silently, I initiate the conversation Phil was trying so hard to avoid but he knew I wouldn’t let this go. He put down his fork and sighed, sadness flooding his eyes again. It must be something really serious and my mind went over drive once again. 

‘’Well last night I had a really bad dream and I can’t get over it.’’ 

I waited patiently, my eyes urging him to continue.

‘’ I dreamt that I got a call from your mother who was crying and telling me that you were in a really bad accident and that you were in a coma in hospital’’ 

He started hurrying up and I could see his my eyes swell again.

’’ I rushed there and they wouldn’t let me in because only family where allowed and I kept telling them that I was your family, I had been your family for four years. I didn’t eat for days and then I was at your funeral and it felt so real Dan. It felt so real’’.

He started sobbing now and I was shaking. I out stretched my arms and pulled him onto my lap and he crawled into a ball, his head resting on my chest. 

‘’I’m here, I’m here’’ I kept repeating. ‘’I’m not going anywhere, I promise’’ 

‘’You will someday, someday you will leave me, someday you will have your own family and I will be left alone because who wants to be with the quirky guy who’s still stating animal facts when he’s 40?’’

I didn’t reply to that question, all the cells in my brain were telling me to reassure him but my heart couldn’t take it. I remained calm, turned his face towards me and wiped his tears away. The next thing I know is that his soft pink lips were on mine, his hand grasping hold of my neck, pulling me in. And damn, his lips were utter bliss, nibbling at mine. After the initial surprise, I reciprocated the kiss and pulled him closer to me since he had rearranged himself hovering over me now. I dug my fingers into his back through his shirt and he let out a slight moan and proceeded to make the kiss deeper.

 

We had been kissing for a few minutes now and Phil stopped asking if what just happened was okay with me. I just kissed him back, not bothering with words. I’ve been repressing these urges and feelings for so long, I just wanted to make up for lost time. 

I slowly took off his shirt, this time allowing myself to eat him up with my eyes and lightly trace my hand from his neck to his lightly haired chest down to his hip and held his sides, urging him to come closer which he did. ‘’ I won’t ever leave you alone if you don’t want me to’’ I whispered and without waiting for a reply started kissing his ear lobe and planting kisses down his neck and chest. He let out a raspy breath and I could feel the tightness in his jeans. I looked down at his bulge and looked back up at him and he blushed. I took my shirt off. All I wanted to do is feel his skin against mine and his mouth on me. Phil stood up from on top of me and outstretched his hand. I was slightly confused but took it anyway. He took the wine bottle and headed to his bedroom. 

He kissed me softly again and then headed to his bathroom. I heard him turn on the water and when he came back out he said ‘’ I think we both deserve a relaxing bath after such a long day’’. I wasn’t expecting this night to turn out this way but wow I knew we would never forget this.   
I must have seemed spaced out because I hadn’t uttered a word but Phil had officially blown me away. He pushed me off the bed, to my feet and cupped his hands to my face. He was leading this brigade now, I was just a marshmallow, melting in his mouth. He moved me into the bathroom, with my hands dangling from his neck. He starts to remove the buttons on my tight jeans and I could feel my face light up. 

‘’You don’t need to be shy in front of me’’ he said. I couldn’t even believe this was happening let alone have the brainpower to be shy about it but I had imagined these scenarios in my head so many times over that it was too many feels at once. Eventually he pulled my trousers down and his own too until we were in just our boxers. I felt strange but comforting, very comforting for someone to want to be against you and hold you tight. 

He broke the kiss off so that we could remove our shoes and trousers properly. He went to get the wine from his night stand and I took it as an opportunity to remove my boxers cause hey I needed to up my game here. As he entered, bottle in hand, his pupils dilated and paused at the door, gasping slightly. I took the bottle from his hand, fearing that he would drop it and put it on the edge of the bath. He had collected himself and removed his own boxers and walked towards me. Damn, this was amazing, he was amazing, his eyes, his hair, his collar bones, his belly button, his hips and thighs. 

Phil got into the bath first, I then sat with my back against his chest but before I became comfortable Phil took my face and tilted it so that our eyes met.

‘’I’m in love with you Daniel James Howell’’

‘’Philip Michael Lester, I will sink with this ship’’


End file.
